but this is it

photo: the known universe

I received this e-mail:
I stumbled across your blog quite some time ago by accident and I have to say it's one of the most inspiring and touching things I have ever seen. After reading some of your reader's entries and dedications, I wanted to submit my own.

I have fallen in love with the man that two years ago was nothing more than my best friend, who I never looked at in 'that' way and who I was sure never looked at me like that. One drunken night later after kisses and tender confessions had been shared, our relationship was never the same and we became, well, 'involved'. We were never properly together although people at work and our friends always assumed we were and I always wanted more... I wanted him to commit to me, but he never would and to this day he never has. Our relationship has been so destructive to but at the same time, so perfect, so amazing that I couldn't hope for more.

When I fall asleep with his arms wrapped around me, my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, fingers entwined, I feel so safe, so protected and loved that I never want this feeling to end. It's clear to me now though, that he doesn't return my feelings, whatever he says, and that it's time for me to move on. Your blog has made it clear to me that I deserve a boy who loves me entirely and who would treat me right, and I hope one day to find one. I know it'll be hard, and it'll hurt like no other but I think this is something I need to do to save me from completely losing my mind.

As I sit here typing this message to you, tears run down my face and my lips tremble, I can't understand why. But this is it, and I thank you for it so very much. Goodbye Jason. However much I love you I can't continue being hurt and fucked around like this. We could've been so, so much more and we never quite lived up to our full potential, but I believe this is for the best. You made me a better person, you taught me things about myself that I never knew and you showed me how to love. You were my best friend, and you always will be, in a sense. Thank you for being a truly wonderful first love.
-A H-D