somewhere along the way

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four years ago he gave me butterflies. one night i grabbed his hand and the rest is history so to speak. we spent days and months and years learning everything about each other. we became best friends and fell in love simultaneously. it feels like we created a whole life together, a whole world that only the two of us understood. we loved each other wholeheartedly. we gave everything we could give. we became comfortable and we we're happy in our comfort. then somewhere along the way we became dependent and routine. and now our comfort almost makes me cringe. our world feels different. i am happy being next to him: taking a walk, watching a movie, sharing a meal. we still laugh and talk and get along well. but when he touches me i don't feel much. he tries to kiss me passionately but my lips feel nothing. in privacy i think about the way i used to feel next to him and i cry. i think of leaving him and the tears fall heavier. i don't want to ever not know him. his embrace is still warm as is his presence. but i no longer find myself wanting to sleep in his arms or share my every thought with him. i feel like i am slowly slipping away and he is grasping for me. i feel like i have little left to give. but i still spend all of my time with him. i still reach for his hand when we walk through the park. i still lay my head on his shoulder. i still hug him tightly when we say goodnight. he is my best friend and i love him too much to break his heart.
-caitlin