there's that one person...


dusting off the skeletons

Well pumpkin carving didn't happen yet. I know, I know, we're down to the wire, but we did go to a pumpkin patch last night. A semi-real one, unlike this one, although they weren't on the vine {which is what Matthew really wanted}. The pumpkins there were SO expensive though! A super small one was $10 and the average sizers were $20+. I'm not a cheapskate, I swear, but I'd much rather get the $5 ones from the grocery store. So, instead I made some amazing pumpkin cupcakes with cheesecake frosting. Take a look at the following pictures and tell me they don't look delicious! I dare you! Olivia Rae, how did I do??

{My mom decorating some to take to work}

{Being silly with a mini-pumpkin}


And because of the peer pressure by both Janis {my suitcase heart} and S {planet lumière} I am sharing 10 Random Things you probably don't know about me!

1. I have a stuffed animal who I call Lambie {full name: Lucille Lamb Ferreira}. She may or may not still sleep in my bed with me..

2. I have never broken any bones, although I did cut my foot open trying to make butter from Kirsten The American Girl's cookbook. The recipe called for shaking heavy cream in a mayonnaise jar with a marble. I think you can guess what happened..

3. I get scared of driving {and flying} and try to avoid it at all costs. So Matthew normally is the one behind the wheel.

4. I collect postcards and matchboxes. I have a lot of vintage matchboxes that were my Grandma's. {I don't smoke by the way}.

5. I never liked spicy foods but I had to get used to it when I started dating Matthew. In the beginning he'd always order spicy sushi rolls {like spicy tuna or rolls with spicy sauce} and I wanted him to like me so I sucked it up. And then soon enough I got used to it!

6. I am a HUGE dog lover! I would be a vet if I didn't have to deal with putting animals down. I love labrador retrievers {frequently referred to as Labbies}. Sam was our first and then my brother and I got two brothers {one white and one black}. Mine was the black one and I named him Angel {for the reason see #7..}

7. I was a HUUGE Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan {ok still am not not as crazy}. I had probably every picture and every magazine the cast was featured in. I taped every episode on VHS, major waste of money. The walls in my room were covered with pictures and I had stakes under my bed. I have most of the cast's autographs, including Sarah Michelle Gellar. I was also Buffy three years in a row for Halloween!

8. If there was one food I could eat every day it would definitely be sushi. It's my favorite!! I love rolls with avocado, cucumber, spicy tuna, shrimp tempura, salmon, etc. mm I want some now!

9. When I was younger I wanted to be a fashion designer. I drew sketches in my free time and I was looking into FIT and FIDM. But then I realized that my sewing skills were majorly lacking! I still want to learn though!

10. When I was 10 I wanted glasses so badly. I faked an eye exam so that they would give me some and the doctor said he would "my exact prescription." I told him I could see perfectly through the one he chose. Then he told my mom I was lying because he gave me clear glass to look through!! Four years later I actually needed them and now I wear contacts every day!

Ok, that was fun! Hope everyone is having a spooky Friday and getting ready for tomorrow!!

i don't know what I feel.


I had an online-relationship for one year with a guy across the atlantic. I loved him, he loved me. It sounds stupid(even to me) since this was online, but we were in love. I never believed in internet love before this happened. I was wrong. I remember that (one of the times) we talked all night, I asked him a question: "Do you believe that there is a perfect person out there for everyone?". "Yes. But I don't have to look for that person.... I already found her." He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I wanted that too.

A week later, things went very wrong. He wouldn't speak to me, told me he needed time to think, and wouldn't tell me why. I shut up for a while, but then he started writing stuff on his screen name. And I didn't know what was going on so I pretty much assumed he'd found someone else. He had stuff like "I love you" in french, romantic song lyrics and so on. And the picture that I once sent him, saying: "Escape with me".

I tried to talk to him. He ignored me. For many days. I sat up whole nights trying to find out what I'd done. Then he said he wouldn't talk to me again. I spent a three weeks crying. I had blocked him so I wouldn't have to stare(I would literally stare) at his suggestive screen names, and keep hoping that he would talk. After those three weeks of crying, I unblocked him, asked him "is this how things are going to be? are we never going to speak again?". His reply were some extremely hurtful and rude messages, one of them saying something like "says the one who deleted me off everything." and I told him why I deleted him, and that "it hurt too much to just see those things, and you wouldn't even explain anything". He once again said some hurtful things. I'd had enough, and told him that he was acting so stupid, and that I hadn't done anything that could give him any possible reason to act that way towards me. And I shut up. And he shut up.

A week later, he talked. "hey.. I just wanted to tell you that I'm so sorry". "for what". "for being a huge asshole the past month... I've wanted to talk to you all week but I didn't have the guts". I told him that he had some explaining to do. He told me he was in a car crash with someone close, who died. He'd started blocking out everyone he really cared for, pushing them away, thinking they'd be better off then. He also said he knew it was no excuse for what he'd done and said to me. Worst part about that, I think I forgave him the second he said "hey" that day. Because I really truly loved that guy. I told him that I wanted to have normal conversations with him. It was great. One thing though - we talked like friends. I got used to the idea of it being that way - that we weren't meant to be.

Then, out of the blue, someone I'd become friends with those past 6 months, confessed to me that he was in love with me and wanted to take me out. Since my "ex" (we were never girlfriend&boyfriend, we were free to do whatever we wanted, althought both chose each other) seemed to have moved on, I thought I'd focus on that too. And I said yes. As of now, I've been with this guy for about 8 months, and he's really amazing and loves me and we have a lot of fun. I haven't been able to say the three words yet, though (and I REALLY want to be able to say them). I am not sure if it's because I still have feelings for my "ex"(don't know if I do! but I can no longer PICTURE my future with him) or if it's because I somehow now don't have enough trust in guys.

About two months ago my "ex" confessed to me that he still loves me, and never stopped loving me. He has accepted me having a boyfriend, and we are now really good friends, but I can tell he's jealous. And when he told me I just instantly started crying. Why? Was it because I wanted him to say that 7 months sooner? Or because I was happy.. I don't know. After I sort of felt like I was "free".

I don't know what I feel. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. I really wish I knew just what to do, and how to do it. I might love my boyfriend, if so, I haven't realised it. Sometimes I wish love was easier, but I guess it's not supposed to be. I feel like a bad person for even thinking all of these things. But I needed to share it with someone.


Jack's First Birthday

Matthew and I had so much fun last weekend at his nephew Jack's first birthday party! Jack later changed into a little pumpkin outfit and was a Jack-o-lantern. So cute! Grace, Matthew's sister, did such a great job with all the decorations and treats. The party was at a neighborhood park in San Diego and she hung handmade lanterns and a banner from the inside of this covered area. This girl has major talent and creativity!

Grace, Sean, and baby Jack

Matthew and his niece Olivia {his sister Melissa's daughter}

I'm so looking forward to tonight. Matthew and I are finally carving our pumpkins! Let the contest begin!!

by the city lights


One Windy Day

Here's the other funny photobooth strip Matthew and I took last weekend in SD. It's a little silly and unplanned but I still like it. Although it did give me some strange eye makeup. Normally we have to plan the shots all out or else it's just me spazzing and being like, "Wait what are we doing again??" FLASH and then Repeat. {See I need a plan for more than just my career}

The wind in LA yesterday was absolutely insane. I left work and the sky was gray and dark. There was dirt in the air and tree branches all over the road. It was almost like out of a scary movie. And then I go to my car and it was filthy on the inside because I cracked the windows in the morning {expecting a hot day}. Sigh what can you do?

Hanna and I had a lovely dinner last night and catched up about the shenanigans at her birthday party. We shared our favorite salad (Factory Chopped minus bacon and chicken) and sat there for about two hours. I don't think the waitress was too happy but it was a slow night down at the good ol' Cheesecake Factory. I miss having girl time now that I'm not in college! It's just different not seing your besties every day. But it makes nights and dinners like these so worth it!

i confessed to my friends that I loved you

You've loved me since the 10th grade, this I know now. But I was to absorbed in myself to see you as more than just a best friend. I broke your heart. You knew we would never be. You were always just the nice guy who was there for me whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on. I did love you, but not in the way you loved me. I took advantage of you, everyone was telling me it was so obvious that you loved me. But I wouldn't let myself see it, I blocked you out. We spent every day together in the summer going into our junior year and it continued into our junior year. We were inseparable. Then I'm not sure what started it but we started separating. Maybe you couldn't stand being just my best friend and only wanted to be my friend who was sometimes there. I'll never know. I got a boyfriend senior year and told you everything, maybe that was wrong of me. He hated when we were alone together because he knew you loved me, but I wouldn't let that separate us for good. Then you got a girlfriend. I hated her, but I told you she was cute and that I liked her. Slowly we started seeing each other less and less. Then I realized why I hated her so much. It was because I was so jealous of her. You started hanging out with only her friends and we never saw each other. Then freshman year came. We were both still in relationships. We would talk when we saw each other out at parties and have really good talks about our relationships. Mine was at the time going down hill and you helped me in a way just through our few talks. The summer going into our sophomore year I ended things with my boyfriend of 2 years, it was hard. But you were there for me. One night when we were drunk at a party I confessed to my friends that I loved you, i unconditionally loved you, more then I ever wanted to love someone. I loved you as a best friend and someone I was interested in. This made it even more dangerous. After this party I blocked out what i had confessed, but my friends will never forget it and never let me forget it. The summer went on and our relationship didn't change. We still never saw each other, you still had a girlfriend. Then 5 days ago I heard from a friend that your girlfriend had broken up with you. I immediately wanted to talk to you. But I couldn't because we are not the way we used to be and may never be that way again. I know she broke your heart and I am so sorry, I want nothing more than to be there for you right now. But I can't be. I can never tell you how I really feel. I cannot bring myself to risk such heartache of being denied. I cannot risk losing you as a friend. I need you in my life even if we aren't talking as much as we used to, we still can talk. And that is something I am not willing to give up. I love you, but I can never be with you. You don't love me the way you used to. And you never will because she broke your heart. Why didn't you tell me how you felt before? Why did you have to be the nice guy who couldn't step up to what he wanted?


h...could you possibly be projecting with those last lines? let's change them around:
"why didn't you tell him how you felt? why did you have to be the girl who couldn't step up to what she wanted?"

i think you need to go for it.

look book: black and blue


Not the most exciting outfit post but I really just love the colors black and blue together. I think I've also just been feeling a little down recently. I'm the kind of person that likes always having a plan.. I need a plan. And recently I've just been so confused with where my life is going. I am interested in so many things but I don't know what I want to make my career. I know everyone says it just takes time but I feel like I want to be on my way somewhere. I'm loving my internship at this magazine, but a part of me worries that 1) it's a dying industry and 2) I might not be happy with it in 10 years. I also really want to go back to school but in what? Sigh I just want to know what I would be good at, and happy, doing! Also if it could be around 40 hrs/week (not 60) and I could make some money that would be awesome! kthanks!
Oh well, enough ranting. This is my 50th post {!!} and I just wanted to say how happy I am that I started this blog. I've met some amazing and inspiring people through this thing and I love having this space to express my thoughts and feelings. Thank you everyone for all your kind words and comments. They really mean so much to me! Thank you thank you!


Go to the PAArty it will be a good time, I will be at the shop all morning if anyone needs anything and might have a little lunch bbq around 12 see you soon..

tall enough

thanks for sending this in amanda!

you and me in the photobooth

Can't believe I haven't updated since Thursday! I had such a busy {and fun} weekend. Friday I took the day off and although I wanted to sleep in I couldn't! I hate when that happens! So, I ended up working out. . something I haven't done in months. I also spent some quality time with my Dad and packed for San Diego. Yes, I spent time packing for a less-than-48-hour trip! Don't judge me!

Matthew and I have a little tradition that every time we go to San Diego we go to Horton {Hears a Who} Plaza and take a picture in the photobooth. I think we've only missed going once. This one is perhaps my favorite. {Matthew is just so silly and cute} I'll post the other one we took later this week. Matthew pretends to be a vampire in one shot! I hope everyone had an AMAZING weekend and is looking forward to a spooky week! 
{Changing my mind on my Halloween costume so, as usual, I'm coming up with one the week of!}

he could never love me, just as I could never love him

johanna wallin

I was emailed this very touching story.
I appreciate her willingness to share this with us and appreciate her trust.
I still can't wrap my mind around it:

I thought I wanted to share a story of my own, if nothing, just to get it off my chest. I never told anyone, but maybe I can simply tell everyone.

I have never been the type for love. I’ve never had any serious relationship, which is quite okay I think, I’m 18 by now, so that might be my excuse. I never fell in love, because I could never actually care about somebody that much. Nobody could ever touch me this deeply to evoke feelings even close to love. I would shrug any sympathy displayed for me off and go on in this arrogant and narcissistic way, just like I always do, at all times. I am not this kind of person. I am not as full of myself as I seem to be, but this is the only way I can avoid hurting people’s feelings. I don’t want to hurt anyone really, but the only way to prevent this seems to be hurting them. Hah.

Eventually, shortly after my 17th birthday, my father would call me to him and tell me a story I just couldn’t believe was true. Even though he only has a very small sense of humour, I thought he was kidding me. I never could have imagined I was supposed to marry somebody my father chooses for me. I had never heard of this family tradition. As I look at it now, it makes sense; I always knew we were a very old and very large family, even a founding family in the city we lived in. I knew my father cared much about the family, but since we are living abroad, I never really experienced his traditional feelings. And, evidently, my grandfather and my grandmother live in different houses, although they are still legally married, because they can’t be with each other. My own parents are separated, but married, and I’ve heard my great-grandparents lived in the same way. It hit me then; those were all arranged marriages. Just, nobody had ever told me.

I don’t want to blame him. I feel my father didn’t want to do this against my will, he asked me if I could imagine doing it. Was it a possible option for me? I couldn’t really answer, I know absolutely nothing of love, not even of family love, I never experienced it in our cold and harsh family relationships, let alone being in love with someone and wanting to marry him. But one thing I knew; I always felt responsible for my father’s misery, for the hard job he had to do to send me to good schools, the difficult time he had with my mother, who can’t stand me, for him getting old far too early, his financial ruin and his emotional troubles. As a child already, I cried in my bed when my dad had to leave for work Sunday at 10pm and only came back Saturday afternoon.

I saw all of this and then I knew I was supposed to agree. I never could have said no. This was the one thing, besides good marks at school or playing the lead violin at grand concerts, I could do for him. I hated all those things, and I also hated the thought of being forced into this and probably ending up like my parents, but what could I do? This is how things were supposed to be. And I agreed.

In December, when we went home, to Russia this is, like we do usually on holidays, I was introduced to my fiancé; a man of 26 years, who finished the University of St. Petersburg with a Summa Cum Laude and as valedictorian, who did his Master in Yale and quite recently his PhD at Oxford University and who now worked as the CEO’s right hand in Russia’s biggest gas company. He was very tall, much taller than I, wore a dark suit and had a very dismissive and apathetic expression on his face. It was a very formal occasion, namely our engagement party, and both families were present, even at a larger scale. I had to wear a satin dress and was told to behave well. Slowly I understood how they had chosen an extremely prestigious and, sadly, I realised, extraordinary wealthy family. It was a horrible farce. As we greeted, my fiancé and I, we shook hands, and his hand was cold. During the whole evening, I didn’t talk to him once. His younger sister Natalia, who is 22, and his brother Gavriel, 23, addressed me immediately and I couldn’t help but wonder on how different a character they were; both his younger siblings were talkative and warm, especially Natalia, who is one of the loveliest and kindest people I ever met. Gavriel entertained me the whole evening and half of the night, making me laugh all the time. Only from the corner of my eyes I dared to cast a glance at my fiancé, who seemed unmoved by all of this, and mostly talked to our fathers and grandfathers at the other end of the table. The next day I officially received an old ring, a family heirloom, which was brought to me by his father.

After this, I didn’t see him for almost a year. We went for a dinner once in April, when I was in Russia for holidays. It was the weirdest thing I ever experienced. It was only us two, and I couldn’t help but feel insanely stupid. From all my friends I am considered the silliest and most childish. I play videogames and watch children’s cartoons and skip lessons at school and get drunk with my friends on weekends. I often get tickets for speeding and I sleep until 2pm in the afternoon. Sitting in front of me was a man, who, at 26 years old, had already lived a whole life. He had spent most of his childhood in boarding schools, lost his mother at the age of four, lived years of his life abroad, completed a superior education, built an immense career on his own, and went to war. He never told me any of this, I learnt most of it in the very recent past from his siblings. He was intimidating. I felt like a child around him. It felt like he was my older brother, especially with our waitress flirting with him the whole evening. I couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was, it was almost too much to take, with his tall and lean figure, the pale skin and lantern jaw, the piercing blue eyes, the jet black hair – it only made it even worse.

Sometimes he called on Sunday afternoons, and we would talk some minutes, about school and work, and then hang up soon enough not to let the awkward silence take over. Sure enough, I developed an aversion to his phone calls, and I knew for sure it was an annoying thing for him he only did because he felt it was his duty. At times, I feel a stitch when my friends talk about boyfriend issues. I imagine them cuddling in bed on a rainy afternoon in November and I know I will never experience this kind of thing. When in summer he asked me if I wanted to go on a short trip with him, for three days or so, I knew our fathers came up with this. I knew he didn’t want to, but we both had to. The mere thought of being in the presence of this cold man made me cringe and I was sure he felt the same way. Also, I was sure this was the time we were supposed to get closer. I thought, we were going to sleep together. I was terrified when I was sitting next to him in his car, noticing I was sweating in my dress and on the beige leather seats although the air conditioning was on. He was a man, and I was nothing but a silly girl, and I was a virgin, too.

It happened I got an upset stomach, I don’t know how it happened, but the same night I found myself sick over the toilet after I had slept for less than an hour alone in the huge marital bed, as he had lain down on the couch. And eventually, as I continued throwing up for minutes, he showed up and held back my hair the whole time I was vomiting. I asked him to leave, I was horribly embarrassed, but he wouldn’t. He’d just kneel beside me and hold back this awfully long dark messy hair of mine, silent. When I was done, he’d helped me up, brought me back to bed and order tea, additional blankets and a hot-water bottle while I was trembling in bed. For the next few days, I was delirious with fever, but the whole time he didn’t leave the suite. Whenever I woke up, he was there. And one thing he said I will never forget is, “I will look after you.”

This is when I thought, we can make this work. Maybe, in the end, we will work it out. Although we have nothing in common, although we don’t know anything about each other, we can manage this. This was, until I found out he had a girlfriend for a year and a half and he broke up with her in order to obey the family traditions and be with me. When I decided I could live like this, the day my father asked me, I only considered myself. I thought I had enough to be fine with this, but I forgot to mind I wouldn’t marry a thing, but a human being. I never thought of his feelings. I have destroyed these people’s lives without even noticing it.

I always knew he could never love me, just as I could never love him, but now I know he hates me.

I have done my A-levels and am about to start University in Vienna in fall. This September I am going to marry Aleksandr.

Still, I have never been in love. My close friends asked me, ‘What if you find someone and fall in love?’ I don’t know the answer. I think I wouldn’t even notice it. I know Aleksandr suppressed his own feelings when it came to it, and so will I, in case it happens. I also don’t know exactly what I want to say with all this ... it took me a while to write this down, and I think, maybe it could help someone on something one day? Maybe people will shake their heads on the absurdity of this? Maybe it lets us see how precious real feelings are. You can’t fake them, even if you want to. There are no lovely photos of us. In fact, I don’t own a single picture of him. There is no happy ending, too.


thank you!


i received a lovely email from a reader...
it means so much to me to hear how much the blog has impacted your lives!
i am happy to be a part of something that people can relate to and share together.
thank you for all your support!!

the email:

I´ve been reading ur blog for such a long time and never felt any

relation with the storied showed till the day someone posted this:
"I've been staying up all night.

I have no stories about wonderful meeting, fingers twisting my hair,
hands around hips. I don't know your smell or warmth or what clothes
you're wearing.
I haven't ever met you, but I think I love you...." and so on...

Well i shivered bcoz i had just the same feeling and the story was the
same as mine and I was going to do the same as the person on the text.
Well I did and now I´m going to meet this person next December and I´m
so anxious and nervous about it. Just wanted to share this bcoz i feel
like ur blog is a friend of mine who reads my thoughts and understand
me as well.

thanks for existing



the POST she's referring to. thank you katy!!

like death without the sleeping part


The sound of a heart breaking isn’t poetic. It is hollow. It is tragic. It calls for rituals – the denial, the shock, the anger, the disappointment, culminating in hopelessness. Just like a shrinking white star slowly collapsing inwardly, with memory drawn from every breath a blow. It’s like death without the sleeping part.


sugar and spice ((and everything nice))

{btw ignore my expression.. I just got out of the  shower and look tired}

If you're totally ready to get into the fall mood you have to make this recipe for gingerbread! It's from yesterday's LA Times and it is amazing! A little spicy so beware if ginger and cloves aren't your best friends. But add some whipped cream or vanilla ice cream and it will be perfect. Seasonal desserts are the best! Oh and please forgive the poor photo quality (phone pics)..

Octavia's Gingerbread
Total time: About 1 hour, plus cooling time
Servings: 12

1 cup turbinado sugar
3/4 cup canola oil
1 cup dark molasses
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 cup boiling water
2 3/4 cups (11.7 ounces) unbleached flour
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
2 large eggs, beaten
1 1/2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger

1. Grease a 9- by 12-inch baking pan, line the bottom with a piece of parchment paper, and grease the parchment. Heat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. Combine the sugar, oil and molasses in a large mixing bowl. Dissolve the baking soda in the boiling water and stir it into the sugar mixture. Sift together the flour, salt and spices and stir the dry mixture into the wet one. Gently beat in the eggs and the fresh ginger, using a whisk or a slow setting on an electric mixer, just until everything is combined and there are no lumps of flour left.

3. Pour the batter into the prepared baking pan. Bake for about 40 to 45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean.

4. Allow the gingerbread to cool before cutting.

Also I thought it might be good with cream cheese frosting or honey butter. 
Siigh I'm totally getting festive!

Recipe from LA Times

you broke into my heart


Do you remember what I was when we first met? I'd built walls around my heart, gated them, and thrown away the key. I had been hurt, I told you from the beginning. I'd been used, tricked, played with, but most of all, hurt. I thought it best to never fall in love again. So I locked my heart.

You figured it out quite soon. I said don't fall in love with me. I cannot fall in love with you. I won't. I'm too hurt, too damaged, too afraid to go through all of this once more. I'd decided love was just a scam. So we became friends, and that was okay with me, and with you. And it was all nice and comforting and I let myself trust you.

You would listen to me for hours, as we talked about everything and nothing. You learned why I wasn't willing to let anyone love me, and though you said you would never do that kind of a thing to me, I wasn't ready to trust you to test it out. I kept my walls intact even when I started remembering where I'd thrown the key. It was the only way to keep myself from falling in love.
But then something happened. I woke up three weeks ago and realised that I love you. And you said you love me, and you cannot promise we will be forever but you can promise not to hurt me. I believed you. I still didn't realize how I'd come to love you, how you came to find the key to my heart.

Now I know. You didn't find the key. You broke into my heart, and I let you. Just don't break my heart.



Well it has been a long 20 somethin days but we finally almost finished up the NEW SHOP!!!! We made the move on oct 1 and have been working on it everyday we framed, painted,stripped welded and all kinds of other stuff and moved tons of junky old bikes and parts and we made it our own little shop.. Everyone chipped in mona angus jonas mom dad robert jim. It has been loads of work to make our little store front but it is ours. It's weird not being at home everyday seein mona and the boys but at least I am super close like only a 1 minute drive which is RAD!! ANyways so if you are cruisin down 7th st stop by a say hello the address is 4606 N. 7th st phoenix, az 85014. I will have all the little essential little stuff in stock for knuckles to ironheads. Love Jeremiah

oh lollipop lollipop

Lollipops may just be one of the greatest inventions ever!
It's candy that lasts for at least a half hour!!
{Unlike those 5 minute chocolate bars I devour}
Maybe this will help the last hour of work go by a little sweeter!

image from flickr

leave me

daros films

thanks lauren!

super trooper

Fixed this boy of mine a late night dinner.
He's been working so much. Think 12 hours days.
For me, impossible. But, he likes it.

I don't know how he does it, though.
He moved to LA from SF in less than a week.
Started a new job.
Commutes 45 min to an hour twice a day.
And he puts up with me!
(while not complaining one bit)
Such a trooper!

We're going to San Diego this weekend for his nephew's first birthday!
It's a little getaway to look forward to!

I'm also thinking about taking Friday off because I need a personal day. 
I've just been so exhausted recently.
All I want is a day to sleep in, chill, and watch TV.
Lazy, I know. But I need it!

the edison.

{me, Anaise, Hanna}

{birthday cake from  Katsuya}

{Meridith, Moi, Anaise}

Loved celebrating this girl's 22nd birthday!
For the past four years I've been away at school, so it was always a belated celebration.
So glad I was there on the day this time.
I can't believe Hanna and I have been friends since 6th grade!! (11 years!)
Love you Hanna banana!

you're still here


i'll admit it,
i was lonely,
i needed you then,
i wanted you to help fill those gaps of solitude,
i had no one and you were there,
in the back of my mind,
i saw no future,
i just saw the present,
i was alone and you were there,
you fell in love,
i felt sorry for you,
so i stayed,
i know heartbreak,
wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy,
and still, i was alone but you were there,
wanted to love you so badly,
like the way i once did for him,
yet, those memories of heartache,
have numbed veins that once pumped love,
i hate that you're in love with me,
i hate that i can't be in love with you

i found someone else,
he's what i want,
i'm not alone but i still want him,
and he wants me,
just not as much as i want him,
he needs me for right now,
and i'll take that,
no future in mind,
i've fallen for him,
he revived my heart,
but instead of feeling light,
it feels heavy,
he doesn't love me,

i can't tell you of my infidelity,
it'll hurt you,
and i can't bare the guilt,
besides, i don't want to be lonely,
and, well...
you're still here

by ACH