no matter what


i know love. i've seen her- we are friends. i believe in her and even though we fight sometimes, in the end she always pulls through for me when i need her and for that, i'm grateful.

right now, we are not on the best of terms. i feel like i have a bone to pick with love. i am watching one of the most difficult things i have ever had to watch. i am watching the person who taught me about love, the person who introduced us, i'm watching her fall apart.

it sucks. because, having finally learned to believe in something, i have to watch it be tested in this way, and i don't know whats going to happen, or how, or why its happening. why would love, our sweet, gentle, loyal friend, desert one of her own? how could she? how could she stand by and let this happen to someone with so much faith in her?

it is unfair. it tears me up and it makes me wonder- have we all misplaced our trust, our hope, faith and belief? it makes me wonder why we're all out to befriend such a fickle, fickle bitch. if she could just chose to take a rain-check on us like this, when times get hard.

i think, we can be very hard on love. we expect so much. we want to salvage our relationship so badly, that we refuse to let her off the hook even when its not entirely her fault. we look at love, and ask her why.

we need to not blame ourselves, we need to not point fingers. we need to understand the nature of love, we need to understand how she works and why. because otherwise, we are bound to be let down. we need to understand that she is around simply, to entertain us. to make her presence felt. perhaps comfort us, and reassure us. in the end, we wallow in the belief that she will not, cannot, hold you together when you need her most. that is because we are blind.

we are a dependent society and i find it sad. i love love. i love my boyfriend, i love my family, and i love my friends. hell, i love my fuzzy gray beanie that will probably never be returned to its rightful owner... i love love. but i have a healthy fear, an acknowledgment to the fact that she is liable to drop out from beneath my feet at any moment. the future is not promised us.

we need to stop running, blindfolded by love. we need to accept that things change, and accept love from wherever we can get it, even if its not where you want it to come from. we need to let our friends love us. let our parents, pets, and hobbies, love us.
because when you lose one source of love, you're going to wish you had another.

love, where are you when we need you? the truth is, she's right there. we are just to absorbed to see her, because she takes a form that we may not necessarily be in the mood for. but she is there. she is always there. and she may not love you. but you need to love her.

no matter what, you need to love her.


Flathead ridin machine

Sean rolled by today on his daily rider a 1947 45" Servi car G motor flatty he rides the heck out of this beast!! She ain't the prettiest but she runs and gets him down the road. aluminum heads and a cool old roth cover keep her runnin hot at a top speed of 60...

you only think...

her0in_chic on Xanga

some of you have asked if i have a twitter...
i do! it's run through my fashion blog le fashion.
so, it is a mix of personal tweets + fashion tweets.
if you're interested, feel free to check it out HERE

12 spoke alloy mag Born Loser

Born Loser has a killer wheel. Check it out.


To everybody that has ordered something in the last two weeks it is headed out monday!!! Thanks for the patience. Jeremiah. For know check out this thick mama jama

can still be friends


Dear Best Friend,

15 years ago. I was dating your friend. My high school sweetheart. You were a good friend. Your friend and I, we got married. We had babies. We moved away. You too. Heard your wife drove your family crazy.

11 years later, I'm divorcing. I'm moving back "home". You're dating your first girlfriend. Everything ends. My divorce is final. We're both free.

We sit on my porch. We smoke. We laugh. We brood. We're lonely.

You're my companion. We fit so easily together. I start looking forward to Chinese food on the weekends; highlight of my week.

1 year goes by. Bad idea to date friends.
But we've known each other for so long.
But don't want to loose my friend.
But we could still be friends after... Right?

Finally, it happens! A kiss!
A wonderful, perfect kiss.
Our friends aren't surprised. "It's about time."
Birds are singing. The sky, never bluer.

6 months. What if we ended up together? What if this is it? Who's going to do the dishes?

7 months. Who are you and what have you done with my friend? Please put him back where you found him. Thank you.

8 months. I'm writing this. Maybe friends shouldn't date? Maybe this is down. Maybe I should wait for up.

I'm wondering if we can still be friends afterward.

for james

today i found out that my childhood friend passed away.
this came as a huge surprise.
i never realized how important he was to me until today.
i'll always remember you james.
i will remember all of our adventures throughout gradeschool.
i will miss you.

to me, fair friend, you never can be old
for as you were when first your eye I eyed,
such seems your beauty still.
- william shakespeare

Scott pommier

Scott is an amazing photographer and he posted some really nice images he shot of his ride to phoenix. Check his stuff out it is very pleasing to view.... thanks holmes scott pommier photos

Matco Mike's 44 knucklehead

Mike the Matco tool guy stopped by today and showed me some pics of his for real super rare 1944 knucklehead chopper. Denver's built it for him back in 1980 for a truck???
Mike's old lady relaxin in lingerie on a harman springer 1980.
mike and his boys berdoo 1986..

he sees me


He sees me. He sees who am i. He sees what others are to busy or to blind to see. He sees me.

When I see problems, he sees the possibilities in them. Solutions where I can only see trouble. And I am thankful for that. A shoulder to lean on. A hand to hold. A person to love. That's him. And I absolutely adore him. Especially his morning smile. And they way he looks at the lifelines in my hands. How he follows them with the tips of his fingers. How it usually tickles. How he says: "your lifelines say that we are forever." And I believe him. No matter what he says. I will believe him. And that is power. That is making yourself so vulnerable that it scares you but you still take the risk. The chance of letting yourself love - and be loved in return.

My butterflies become suicide bombers and throw themselves at the walls of my stomach when I see or hear your name. Which is a good feeling since it is the feeling that I have always associate with love. And that I can still feel it after 1 and a half year makes me believe in us, believe in that we are forever.

We are forever.

- E

falling in love...


49 flatty

ray showed up to the show with a dead battery and i sorted him out with a new one and he sent a rad pic of his pops and uncles old 49 rad thanks ray

Cyrus 51 pan italy

Cyrus supporting the love on his linkert and his killer 51 pan



My only love is for you, vodka.
Before it became a crush,
we were family friends.
You slipped in and out of my parent's parties.
I saw you only in passing.
We were never introduced...

...formally, that is.
The first time I saw you out of my house
was that night.
The night we first spoke.
You comforted me and
cradled me in your arms.
I was with all my best friends,
but you and I seemed to fit so perfectly.
Some say we took those first steps too quickly.
It wasn't love right away, but I was
intrigued by you and your
sense of warmth.

After nights similar to the first,
I began to think of you a lot.
If a weekend would pass without you in it,
in me,
it was incomplete.
I yearned for your touch
and the way you made my skin prickle.
My lips tingle in the thought of you now.

At the beginning, it was simply fun with you.
Innocent fun with no repercussions.
That is when I learned to love you.
I loved how you didn't have a plan or sense of direction.
You were spontaneous.
I was insecure and fragile, looking for someone,
just like you.
At first, you brought out the best in me,
showed me that when we were together,
I meant something,
and I will always thank you for that.

There were times when I questioned your worth.
Some nights you would engulf me,
take everything of me,
chew me up
and spit me back out.
You never threatened me, or hurt me.
I just loved you so much that I would do anything you said.
Maybe I was angry with you in the morning,
but I always forgave you the next time we were together.
Run up to you and hug you, and you would kiss me twice on each cheek.
Like you always had.
As if nothing had happened.
Somehow promising that tonight would be better.

From that first night to now,
our love affair has been consistent.
I always want you
and your smooth touch.
And even after every time you put me down.
You're always the one to pull me back up.
I've shared so many memories with you,
dark and messy nights,
poetic and spiritual ones too.
Every time I hear your name or
know that you are near,
my eyes widen.
I bite my lip and smile.
I get shaky and anticipate your arrival.

Some people love you superficially.
They are the ones who don't easily forgive.
But you know that I will always love you.
Some will try to tear us apart,
saying that you don't love me back.
That you can't.
They've tried and lost.
Even if I don't directly receive love in return,
the way you make me feel, and act, and cry,
lets me know that you do love me.
You are the only one who can hurt me
as much as you have,
and know that I will always run back into your arms.


look book: jjjump jump

We seized that sunny little day by jumping around my front yard. Yes, sometimes we're like little kids..getting our jumps & rock moves on. {It's pretty fun you should try it!!} Notice my "I Love You" sign..not intentional I just didn't know the right one for "Rock On!" {Or whatever it's supposed to mean} haha I gave us both scores of 10 though!

So, it was a fun weekend planning New York. Our trip pretty much revolves around food which is PERFECT! And I get to see not only my uncles, but also a close family friend who is in a play off-Broadway! I couldn't be move excited. Seeing that our flight is at 7 am tomorrow I'm not sure if I'll have a chance to post before we leave. But I'll be tweeting away and can't wait to share all the stories once we get back next Sunday!


break up cake

my friend rick recently started BITTERSWEET (sugar + sarcasm).
it's a quirky blog about baking with great recipes + hilarious commentary.
his header explains it all:
"Bringing sugar, happiness and delights to one person at a time.
And probably spreading diabetes too.
he recently shared a recipe i found perfect for le love:

Red Velvet Microwave Mug Broken Heart Cure Cake

We've all been there. After spending weeks stalking your loved one on facebook and planning on naming your kids after 60's era Disney movies, only to find out that he/she does not care about your near death experience trying to get him/her flowers being guarded by a coyote. Laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, you think: "why am I so unlovable?"

Heartbreak is never easy to take.

This cake is the perfect self-remedy. It takes about five minutes to complete from start to finish, there is minimal effort (you don't even have to measure out the exact tablespoons), it is toasty, chewy, moist, and is enjoyed only by you. After enjoying this, listen to a little 10cc, you'll be unbroken in no time.

click HERE for the delicious recipe + to visit BITTERSWEET!!

ahoy friday!

Well it's been a wet and rainy week and I've loved it! Even though yesterday I had to move my car every two hours in it and even though I dealt with the scariest drive of my life when it was hailing so hard I couldn't even see the lines on the freeway {and everyone went from 60+ to under 20}. It's been pretty intense weather for Southern California, to say the least. But it's a nice, beautiful change!

I'm excited for the weekend! Tonight I'm celebrating my friend's 21st bday and some friends from Berkeley are coming down to help celebrate! I haven't seen them in awhile so I'm sure it will be a lot of fun! Tomorrow I'm planning on sleeping in a little bit and then getting started on my NYC itinerary! Matthew and I still have lots of plan out, reservations to make, a show to book, etc! I can't believe we're leaving on Tuesday! Oh, how the time has flown by!

Happy Friday !!


this lovely image

a date to the gelateria

Matthew and I love gelato. There was this place in the Bay Area that we loved and we haven't found one in LA that comes close! Some people think gelato is the Italian name for ice cream but that's not it. Gelato has a greater whole milk to cream content than ice cream so that's why it's creamier and more rich. Therefore more delicious! This place that we went to apparently didn't get it. I won't judge a place from the first visit alone but I will say they had lots of unique {read: unauthentic} flavors. I felt like I was in Baskin Robbins! Regardless, it was still tasty and satisfied the sweet tooth!


the cold


I thought I'd be used to the cold by now.
It's been so long.
He probably feels the same way. That's why he is the way he is...
but I only feel empty

Happiness, once within me...dies.

Now, the empty space only allows the cold in.
Deeper, deeper, sharper. No way out.
Almost as if temperature does not exist.

The cold rises.

I sleep, to dream of when he "loved me"
but i freeze.

eyes wide open. I'm still here.

I realize. again.
those memories are gone...
and as i'm frozen in time, i can't move on.

It plays its tricks. But i no longer fall for them.

I would let go.
fade. everything else.

The only thing that is stopping me is my heart.
It won't give in to the cold.


It still loves.

Because our promises were to never stop loving each other.
And while I kept mine...

...he never kept his.


the kids' table

Over the weekend I replaced my dome-shaped iMac {circa 2000} with a new iMac {21 inch screen of beauty!}. I came across these old pictures of me and my brother Anthony. While the quality isn't that great I love seeing my same house..just with more toys! It's weird to be home without my little brother. Isn't his bowl-cut haircut just the cutest?


dear you

Dear you.

I have known you for almost 5 years now. And for 3 of them I have been in love with you. I love how you always can make me smile, or cheer me up when I’m sad or down, or how you can make a joke only I will understand. I love how you’ll tell me secrets that no one is supposed to know, or how you can tell a story from your day and somewhat make me feel like I was there.

I wish I could tell you how you make me feel. That every time someone says your name, even if they talk about another person, there is a thump in my stomach. Or that when you call me, or we talk on the phone, and you beg me not to hang up, my heart speeds up and I smile. Or that when you hold my hand in the dark, drunk as you were, I never wanted to let go. Or that when you tell me, drunk again, how happy you are that you have me, and how kind I always am, I want to tell you how I feel. I really wish I could tell you.

I want you to know that I often look for you at school. You might not notice, but sometimes I do. I try to talk to you when I see you, or at least show you that I’m there and want your attention. I really just want to talk to you more, like we used to. A few years ago I think you might have been my best friend. I still want that. I want to be able to watch movies like we did. Scary ones, so I could sit closer to you, or sometimes even hold your hand. And you were holding mine.

I wish I could tell you all this, and that you would feel the same, but I think I’ll never be able to. I’m too scared to loose you, to lose the friendship we have. But maybe some day I’ll be able to risk it. Just to have a chance of being with you. Maybe one day I finally will. Or you will.

I wish I could be only yours,



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