in the dark

Geke Minnema + unknown

Paloma Estefania Armenta 1-29-2011 baby girl!!!

On Saturday morning at 1:25 a.m., my beautiful wife gave birth to our first little girl Paloma Estefania Armenta. She weighed in at 7lbs 12 ounces and is 20 inches long and full of life. I loved hearing that first little cry as she took in the new world. What a great gift. Our little family is now complete. She is so beautiful, just like here mama. Her little brothers are so happy and loving to their new little sister it brings tears to my eyes. Now that we have made it home from the hospital and everyone is settled back into the house, I think of how great life is and look forward to all the new adventures that await our little family. Te amo por siempre Monita. Jeremiah

4/52: A Year of Little Resolutions

Gosh can you believe today is the last day of January?! I swear this month went by really fast, and I know it's going to continue this way until the wedding. Last week my goal was to get back into the routine of working out. I have to say that it totally helps to make these goals because I really hold myself accountable. My friend Eden and I went hiking three days last week, and we even went this morning! So, in case you're wondering, I'm trying to stick to this workout schedule. Meeting at 8am is definitely a little difficult because it's hard for me to get to bed early, but once I'm up it's great. Doing it with a friend makes it really fun, too, because we can talk the whole time, even though we got out of breath and were huffing and puffing sometimes haha.

So for this week my goal is to get at least 8 hour of sleep a night, especially since I'm working out in the mornings. I consider myself most productive late at night, but I don't think it's very healthy. I'm going to do my best to get to bed at the same time, 10:30pm every night. I also need to work at getting rid of the dark circles under my eyes!

Are any of you going to do a little resolution this week? If so, tell me about it!

I did a guest post for Stacey's blog Love and Photographs today, check it out!!

because it is so much easier to run


I'm scared! I'm so fucking scared! I think that I'm maybe love him, I really do! But I can’t, not him! I know that something is wrong, why is he so nice and perfect all the time! WHYY??!! And he is choosing me?! Come on man, there are so many girls out there, take THEM!! Not me…!!

This is making me so scared, because I know it can’t be true! I just know it! About two weeks from now he is coming to visit me (we live in two different cities), and I really really want him to come, but at the same time I really don’t. I know that I am going to say that I am sick so he can absolutely not come!! I know that I am going to do that! Do you want the reason? I always do that, when I like someone I run!! Because running is so much easier that stay! Now I think I decided not to run, but I don’t now if I can do that because I am scared as hell!! I scared that he is like all the others guys… okay, it’s not like I had 20 boyfriends… actually it’s more like one… or can I say .5…?

I just don’t know what to do! I am so confused! I want to love him but I can’t because everything I see is perfection, and no one is perfect! I know that! I have all these feelings inside of me, and I can’t tell him.. I just can’t!! Sometimes when we talk, I just want him to know everything! I mean, we have been friends for 1,5 years now, and I wrote in a text (when I was out with my friends—to drunk for my own best..xD ) that I think I like him more than a friend.. the next day I got a text back… I felt the same way!! Still, I am here in my room, can’t study to a big finale because I am thinking of all this while I receive so cute and wonderful texts from him all the time…! My friends are telling me to chill out! Wait until he comes! But that is the problem!! I know I am going to fix so he’s not coming!

I hate to run! But I hate to stay too! For now, I hate to be in love…! I just hate it so much! And the worst part is that I don’t think I am going to change my mind! Because it is so much easier to run! And do you know what? I love to run! Run is my love! Forever!!!

I want to fall in love with you.


I want to fall in love with you.

No special reason behind it. I just do. As you probably know, I've been wanting a boyfriend for months now, but Lady Luck hasn't been on my side. There were a couple of guys who came along, but neither of them were my idea of boyfriend material.

I'm not saying you are, but I realized I quite like you, and that makes all the difference. See, I don't remember much about you, except that you were with my cousin for about a year or longer and that I met you once before (only to embarrass myself by drinking beyond my limit and throwing up). I have a vague memory of talking to you about my cousin when you were no longer together. It was about her relationship with her then new boyfriend. Something you said about cherishing her stuck, for some reason, and since then I've convinced myself that breaking up with you was one of the most stupid things she's ever done in her life.

I probably shouldn't have initiated the online conversation that led to this. By this, I mean this—all this talking we do through text, sometimes through chat.

I mean, it's probably nothing.

But I must admit I've been deriving some sort of felicity from our correspondence.

Which is probably wrong. We're friends, aren't we? For me, at least, we are. I'm too scared to ask you anything because it might put you off and cause you to distance yourself from me, so I hold myself back from throwing stupid questions in your direction and plague myself instead with torturous what-ifs lacking definite answers.

I want to fall in love with you. The want in this statement implies a consciousness on my part, a decision waiting to be made. Should I jump or shouldn't I?

I really don't know.

I've been trying to weigh the pros and the cons, but I have trouble organizing the chaos in my head, so I still haven't arrived at a conclusion. Only one thing has been fully established so far: I like you. And, inevitably, I find myself hoping you'd like me too.

When such hope begins to burn in my system, I panic. And for good reason. I am putting myself in a vulnerable position because of this hope. Don't I always say that hope leads to heartbreak? And I honestly believe that. Slowly, I am becoming attached to the experience of getting good morning messages from you, of being said good night to. Then I wonder if it's you or if it's the attention I am snagging from you that has this warm feeling circling in my chest. Twice I had thanked you for your attention, and twice you'd jokingly called me emo for it. I really do appreciate it though.

I'm overanalyzing things, I know. It would be much easier to just ask you, of course, but it's too risky to do so. Besides, we've only just been talking for a week, so what the hell, right? I'm scared of freaking you out, so I'll shut up for now.

And I know you probably won't get to read this but I'm writing it anyway, just to get the shit off my head even just for a second.

I want to fall in love with you.

But according to societal norms, it's too early for love so I will like you for now. I'll make an attempt to extinguish the tiny flicker of hope buried under my skin, but I'll hold on to the possibility of you getting me a pack of Life Savers, just as you said you would.

That day, when I finally saw you again, my heart raced I couldn't help fidgeting with my phone. Games are a good distraction so I consumed the remaining time trying to beat a tough level in a game called Taiko no Tatsujin. You said I looked like I wanted to smash my phone against a wall. I probably looked retarded. I wish I were cute instead.

I don't remember much about you, but I don't think I can forget you now.

I want to go out with you on a movie date or something. Hang out with you at an empty parking lot and talk to you about the stupidest things. But I can't ask you out. I'm not brave enough. Not because I'm scared of rejection but because it might mean having to give up on the inside joke involving mouthwash and the poring faced emoticon. And more than being rejected, it's losing these things that keep me from popping the question.

And then there's you. I mean, this has been all about me, me, me so far, so let's talk about you. You do have someone you like, don't you? Maybe someone you love, even. Of course, I'm only making assumptions, and if there's one piece of advice I get told often by my friends, it's to stop assuming. Easier said than done, though.

This is so damn complicated.

I want to fall in love with you.

And if this keeps up, I might just do.

- Star

look book: I'm a Scalloped Potato

Why am I a scalloped potato, you ask? Well you are what you eat right? And both my top and shorts have a scalloped bottom. Did not even realize that until I was going through the photos. I guess it works...
crochet top and purse thrifted, shorts c/o Queen's Wardrobe, tank top, bracelets, and bow pin Forever 21, belt J. Crew, shoes Steve Madden

I had such a great day yesterday! It started with an early morning hike {go me, sticking to my schedule!} which I am so loving. I felt so refreshed and I had tons of energy to start the day. My mom and I went to get a facial in the evening {my first one ever!} and I was excited/nervous because I didn't know what to expect. I was kind of hoping all my blackheads would go bye bye, but not quite. Still I was in heaven for 50 short minutes! Then we had a mother daughter dinner and watched one of our favorite TV shows. It was so nice to take my mind off everything and just relax. I think it's important to have these nights every once in awhile, especially while wedding planning!

there's something about you

bunny jennyy + unknown

wedding wednesday: pretty cakes!

I love cake! cake cake cake! This has been my favorite part of wedding research so far! Since the reception is outdoors and the vibe of our wedding is really natural and more simplistic, we want our cake to reflect that. Here are some of the pretty cakes we've been looking at for inspiration.

yum I think my mouth is watering just looking at these! You can probably notice a trend, too. Hopefully we'll get a cake just as pretty as one of these. In the meantime eating lots will not be a problem with me!

Those engaged/married: What was your cake like? Did you save the top layer and eat it a year later? I'm not sure if we're going to do that or not.

I'm sorry to say I don't know who the baker or photographer is for the above photos.  Over the past couple of months I've just been saving lots of photos to a folder.  If you know the site where they were featured or the baker  let me know and I'll give credit!

please don't forget me


Often I couldn't type anything out -the words weren't good enough, and I would inevitably leave it off. To say the least, everything I wanted to say wasn't really a mystery, I felt like I had nothing new to offer.

My story? Yeah, we fell in love. Then we fell out of it.

Well, he, did anyway.

It's been a year now, since I said goodbye. The reasons are now all fuzzy now, and I can't remember if it was him or I. I try to reason with myself. Sure, he might have loved me but he had too many skeletons in his closet, too many secrets he kept hidden away from the world. Even from the one, he proclaimed to have been madly, truly and deeply in love with. I like to think that I stayed as long as I could and that I loved with every ounce of my being, but now, the odds were finally against us, and it was time to call it quits.

You asked me to stay. Just a silent whisper. I knew you were trying your best, but I wanted...I needed more than that. All those nights that you and I stayed up fighting, crying and hurting, I really thought somehow in the midst of it all, we'd make it. We were fifteen and sixteen, but I swear, I will never be as in love with anyone else as I was with you. And that thought truly haunts me, because whoever are next, they have to struggle with the remaining pieces of me. They have to muddle through, doing the best they can, even if I secretly know that nobody else could compare.

I can't believe my insanity sometimes either, those nights that I would dream of you, confessing that it was me you still wanted. A part of me still needs you to be brave and tell me before we leave high school for good that you love me, no matter the mistakes shared between us.

But time has passed, too much time. There is too much distance between the both of us, and we're so far away that I wonder if what we had, what we shared...were we even in the same world? Was there really a time when it was just you and me? Was there really a time when we loved one another?

What I would give to let you go, every bit of you. Your voice, your hair, your arms and hands, and the taste of your lips still on mine.

But I'm too late, and you're gone for good now.
You've moved on now and that girl - well, she's just amazing. Her silky black hair, her smile, her wonderful heart. You really did better second time around, didn't you? But I'm not mad, I'm mad at myself. Somewhere deep down in the shallow pits of my heart, I've wanted to confess this to you for so long now. Peter, I still love you and I'm sorry.

Please don't ever forget what we had. Please don't forget me. Please.


look book: lady steps

I cut my hair off!! What do you think? haha just kidding. Although if and when I do get a big cut I would love to go shoulder length. Matthew and I went out and about looking at a bunch of cake bakeries this weekend. Let's just say it was a lot of fun and my tummy was very happy.
 blouse $1 at a thrift store, skirt Kakalina Rose Vintage, tights J.Crew Factory Store, sweater Urban Outfitters, shoes Leifsdottir, necklace and bracelets Forever 21

This skirt from Kakalina Rose Vintage has such a cool texture. It's a crushed leather and looks really natural. The skirt also has these fun snaps at the bottom, in the back, that require me to take lady steps or else they'll pop open. It was a little hard for me because I am one of those fast walkers, which made Matthew the slow walker pretty happy.

what do you do...


Jim's 1936 Knucklehead VL Hill Climber street beast

My buddy Jim got his 1936 Knucklehead VL Hill Climber street beast up and runnin today, what an awesome site to see him so happy. He has had it for a long time I have seen it slowly progress more and more over the years as time allows him to work on it. Soon we will do some ridin together. 1936 motor, VL frame, flathead tanks vl trans it is truely a sweet machine congrats buddy.

3/52: A Year of Little Resolutions

So last week my resolution of the week was to work on my organization. I relied heavily on a planner while I was in high school and college, and while I do use my iPhone for appointments, I like being able to see months at a time and write notes down. I got this great little Filofax organizer that I can keep in my purse or on my desk. I love the aquamarine color, too! My biggest messy area is my desk since that's where I spend most of my time. It can be so easy to just let mail stack up and then forget about it, so I bought a desk organizer and some file folders. I made labels like "to do," "bills," "finance," "receipts," "medical," and "wedding." That way, when I get things I can just put them right into the corresponding folder. I know it will make things a lot easier for me and my desk will be so much cleaner! Also, post it notes are becoming my bff.
 ta da! so much more organized!

This week I'm tackling what the majority of people chose as their New Year's Resolution..getting back to the gym! I have a lot of motivation to get fit and toned {hello, wedding in 4 months!} so I'm ready to get back in there! I already have a couple hikes planned for this week and I'm going to do some strength training at the gym with my hot trainer aka the fiance! Wish me luck!

Are any of you going to do a little resolution this week? If so, tell me about it!

that wonderful night


We shared the perfect night. I actually think that it was one of the best nights of my life. It wasn’t perfect because you’re such a great guy or because I was in love with you or anything, it was perfect because I really needed that at that time. I had spent too many days, weeks, months thinking that I would never be loved, no one I was interested in would ever show any interest in me, and then you came along. Me and my friend J were on a trip to London, we met up with her friend S at a pub and he had brought his friend, A. And from being introduced to you, shaking your hand and drowning in your blue eyes, to kissing goodbye to never see you again, was just perfect. Like a scene from a movie, or a chapter in a book.

At the pub we were sitting and chatting, drinking beer, I was sitting next to you. Your feet touched mine and neither of us moved our feet back. We had barely talked to each other but I could feel you press your leg against mine, so we stayed like that. With entangled legs, occasional long stares into your infinitely deep blue eyes, flirty smiles and heavy heartbeats. Even writing this makes my heart pound faster. Anyway, as we left the pub you took my hand, and it was all so natural. We stopped on the way to S's house for some kisses, and you and your British accent were so very charming. So we spent the night kissing and cuddling on a mattress on S's floor, you touching my hair, me listening to your heartbeats.

I replay this scene in my head quite often, mostly because I am so very fond of it and never want to forget it. But mostly I hope to relive it soon again, but then with someone else, someone I love.

So I just want to thank you, A, thank you for that wonderful night. Because thanks to that night I now believe that I some day will fall in love for real. Not with you, but now I know love can exist, even for me. I just have to be patient.

20 hour tucson trip

Me and Marcus hit the road yesterday at the crack of dawn headed to Tucson to to take a little winter ride and see some friends in Tucson. Well 20 hours later we made it home only 1 blown tranny fixed nascar style and a blown head gasket we made it home early this morning good times with a good buddy .

i deserved better


It’s been almost 5 months since he dropped the bomb on me. The thing is, it wasn’t even really a break up, at least not to him. Don’t you have to actually have a relationship to be broken up with? He was driving me to the train station after we spent a couple days together again. For the most part I’d had a wonderful time, despite his strange, withdrawn behavior for most of it after the first night. He told me he had just started dating someone, and it wasn’t serious, and the reason he acted how he did wasn’t anything I had done. Frankly, I wasn’t hearing all of it at that point. I was in the closest thing to a state of shock I had been in my entire life.

To make a long story short, after sending him an almost-too-long email telling him I wish he’d told me he was seeing someone else before I went to visit him, and that I thought what we had was more than just sex, he replied with a simple “I thought we were just having fun.” He also proceeded to theorize this “misunderstanding” was based on our difference in age and experience. We both said we were fine with being friends, but after two weeks, I removed him from Facebook, the tool we had used for keeping in touch after meeting and having a 2-night fling when I was studying abroad in Ireland and he in London. I thought this would make getting him over easier and quicker, but the only thing it did was take away the ability to see what he was doing and who we was conversing with, which was probably still beneficial for me.

One of the worst things you can do after a break up, whether you were the one to do the breaking up or you were the one broken up with, is to blame yourself and berate yourself for things you realize you could have done differently. But this is precisely what I did. I asked myself over and over, “Why weren’t you stronger? Why couldn’t you be one of those girls who can sleep with guy and not think anything of it? Why didn’t you ask him if he was dating someone before you went to go see him?” Truth be told, I was that girl at first. I didn’t want to be the stereotypical girl who thinks because she thinks the first guy she sleeps with is going to be one of the great loves of her life, especially if he wasn’t to start with. I told myself it was just sex. But he was the one who seemed to be coming on pretty strong and acting like we were actually friends after. But, after it all ended and I found out the truth, I felt like such an idiot, and a total outcast from the rest of society. We seem to live in such a casual, sex-driven society these days. I don’t really understand the “Friends With Benefits” movement. In the end, I think the focus is more on the benefits than the friend.

And to answer the question, “Why didn’t I ask him before I went to visit him if he was seeing someone?” Well, the way he talked to me, why would I think he was? My biggest mistake was trusting him.

Sometimes I want to contact him and let him know how wrong he was to have done that, because when it all first happened, my emotions were definitely in it, and I gave him way more credit than he deserves. I APOLOGIZED for not having been more upfront that I thought we were headed towards a “relationship” or love. However, I think it’s better if I just let him go rather than open that door of communication again. But now I see that he was lying. About what in total, I’m not 100% sure, but the one thing I would like to ask him is, “If you believed that both of us were in it just for ‘fun,’ why couldn’t you have told me the truth the moment I asked if there was a particular reason you left the bed in the middle of the night and slept on the couch? If I also was just having ‘fun,’ why would it have been a big deal to just tell me right then?" "Why did you wait 36 hours and tell me right before I was about to get on a 5 hour train ride? What do you think I thought about the entire way home?"

After months of ups and downs, crying myself to sleep and beating up on myself, I see it clearly now. This is not about me not being “strong” or “smart” enough. I think the fact that I cared about what he and I had, and that I “fell” for him, is a sign of my humanity. It’s clearly more of a risk to let your heart get involved than to remain unattached, but I’d rather be like that than close myself off and look at a person as only an object of lust. I think in my situation, he owed me a lot more than what he gave me. If it was only about sex with us, we shouldn’t have kept in touch and talked as frequently as we did about non-sex related things. If it’s only about sex for him, then he should keep it that way and try not to blur the lines between a person to have “fun” with and a person he genuinely likes. It makes me laugh now because, it almost felt like he was upset with me for feeling the way I did. Well excuse me, buddy, for actually liking you. If I thought you were just a jackass, I would have treated you that way. But I liked things about you other than when we were physical. How terribly awful of me to do that to you.

I deserved better from him. I know that now. Whether he knows it or not, I do, and that’s the only thing that matters.



Now that the last few stragglers have finally gone home today I can sit and go through the last seven days. The days leading up to the show were great.

Vander, Kat, Whit, Wendy and Jason showed up Wednesday to help get ready and to enjoy the Arizona winter. Vander came all the way from New York. He and my dad built a killer little mini ramp out behind the shop. It was great to see my pops getting to do something he really loves, carpentry, with such a good carpenter like Vander.

Jason brought down two bikes from Washington. It was sure good to see him again and ride my old genny shovel. We got to put some long awaited miles on our bikes together.

My little brother Benji, Virginia Jason and Jay from Death Science also came out to help.
It was great to spend time with so many old and new friends. Ryan and Steve came out from Cali with his sweet knuckle and was a taxi throughout the weekend, poppin vertical wheelies with passengers. Joe and Jason rode out on their cadillacs from Orange County. We did a lot of stop light drag races and I also became a taxi for Benji and Jason across town on the shovel. Marcus got the little sporty running just in time for Friday night. Havasu boys rode down on their sweet rides. Jonah, Johnnie and Karma came for the show and killed every skatepark in Phoenix. Thanks to everyone else who rode out and came and supported. To everyone who didn't we will see u next year.

My parents killed it with the food. Mom and dad grilled up the chicken and made the rice and my sweet father in law jesus made some tamales that were to die for. Sergio made his grand champion salsa, ooh sooo good. Kat manned the bar getting everybody well and drunk. Thanks young lady we love u. Jonas and mona made a really good 2 year cake thanks my little man.

The hangover ride was a real good time. A couple of hiccups on our 40 mile journey, but all was well. After chillin' up on South Mountain we headed down and hit the best burger joint in phoenix, Burgerworks. Oh so good. I reccomend the super great big one. After this weekend I think we all gained 10 pounds from all the food we ate.

It was great to see so many new faces this year at the show. It was a great turnout, lots of good bikes. It was good to see people getting on their bikes and going some distance.

Spartan George came up with the Hate Fuckers crew from Tucson. Mike Olson and his crew came from San Diego, Dice home boys made it out in the van along with Craze and his Canadian boy. Andy, from Pangea, thanks so much for trudging though the snow to make it. The raped grape and his crew made it; what a sweet bike and nice history. Glad I could sort you guys out.

If I missed anyone, I am sorry, there was a lot to take in. If i didn't get to give you a hug and thank you for making it out, thanks for coming!

The bike show was awesome. Thanks to all the judges for helping me out and a big congrats to the winners.

Thanks so much to all the sponsors for all the prizes and help: Hated of the World, Jr's Cycle Products, Hwzn Bros. Japan, Pangea Speed, Eternally combusting, Death Science, Maxwell 4Q, Dice, Guy Greasy Kulture Magazine, Spartan Frame Works, Fastlane Tattoo, Go Kat Go, Haifley Bros., Josh Utility Board Supply, Born Loser, Harpoon grant FMA, Dj Horsepussy, Mike from Draggers C.C., LOser Machine, Rouge speed shop, Mom, Dad, Jesse, Stella, Mona, Jonas and Angus for killing the food, Marcus, Luke, Daniel, and everyone else who helped out, you know who you are. Also, thanks to all the photographers who took pics: lady hump, Christian, Jason and Jason, and anyone else whom I stole photos from. thanks to dizzys for takin care of al the drunks and the phoenix police for being cool.

Love always,
See you next year!

(If you want to see the picture bigger, just pull up the zoom option on the right upperside of pic and click original size in photobucket)

look book: bright tights

 You know the theme song for that show "The City?" It goes something like this. Well when I wore these tights I couldn't get the song out of my head. Except, instead of the line, "give me the bright lights," I would sing "give me the bright tights." Seriously it was nonstop all day. Matthew even ended up joining in. Great now I have it stuck in my head again..haha
blazer thrifted, shirt Gap, skirt J. Crew, tights Target, shoes Enzo Angiolini, necklace Forever 21

This could be such a conservative outfit, with the little black and white blazer and the wool skirt, so color was definitely a necessity. Sometimes I think I'm a little scared of bright colors but I'm trying to change that, slowly but surely. I've been loving all the bright corals and pinks for spring so I'm working up to it!